it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
