OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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