All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
