Who did Billy Mays play for?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
