living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
