Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
