can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
