Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's Friday. Sex?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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