Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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