the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
