I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
