We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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