I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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