you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I sprained my soul last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
