BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
