She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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