were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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