well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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