i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
