U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
