ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
