So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
