how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I came so hard my ears popped.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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