You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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