Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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