A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you had me at cake vodka
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
