Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I puked a lego.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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