I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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