Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
