So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
