the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Michael Bay diarrhea
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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