I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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