i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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