I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
