too bad you live with your parents still
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
