i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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