Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
