After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dicks are not precious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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