I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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