nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
