So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
