u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
