Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
