when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
