Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
