i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
