I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
