My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
