We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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