I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
